Negotiation skills part 2
If what begins as an attempt at negotiations descends into confrontation, then the goalposts have changed: people have forgotten about working together to reach a solution and are trying to win a contest of wills.
If you are aiming to achieve an outcome that brings you something positive, then the attitude you adopt will set the tone for the outcome, particularly the negative approaches: hostility begetting hostility. Would you really prefer to have a fight on your hands or a discussion, however intense, with a spirit of cooperation at its heart?
You can still negotiate with enthusiasm and even passion – it is understandable if what is under negotiation is significant for you. But becoming emotional can all too easily detract from the proceedings: we are less able to channel our negotiating skills and behave in a constructive way. It is therefore important to maintain a good measure of self-control.
Walk a mile in their shoes Your focus should be on a negotiated outcome: a solution acceptable to both parties. To reach it – and to negotiate properly - you have to be prepared to understand the other person’s needs and wants regarding the issue at stake: the pressures upon them that might well not be apparent when you open negotiations; the particular perspective adopted due to the other person’s environment or education.
Often, just taking the time to find out about the other person enables us to discover that there is no significant disagreement or, at least, some common ground from which to begin negotiations.
Unless you are blessed with the demeanour of a living saint, there will be times when you have to interact with we you do not like for whatever reason, however irrational. It is human nature that we have a tendency to lose the thread of our journey towards a mutually agree outcome by focusing on how difficult or obnoxious the person seems to us.
Once this happens, effective negotiation becomes impossible: it is crucial to stick to the issues, put aside our degree of dislike of the individual (or, indeed, liking – it works both ways) – keep as calm as possible and our eye on an acceptable outcome.
If you take a confrontational approach and want to “win” there must, by definition, be a “loser”. This can cause resentments that have a surprising facility for cropping up later when the damage has been done. The most effective approach to negotiating is to aim for an outcome in which both parties gain – the eponymous “win-win” solution. It is a negotiation, not a contest, with an mutually beneficial outcome, not a victory or defeat.
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