Negotiation skills - part 1
Everyone is involved to greater or lesser degree in negotiating, whether in our personal and professional lives. Whenever we want something – information, a pay rise, some kind of permission or some form of deal – we call upon our ability to negotiate and find a way forward that meets our needs.
In many instances, competent negotiation can bring money making and money saving results.
Effective negotiating involves skills that can be learned and developed to help you reach outcomes that you feel are successful as well as helping you more effectively with your customers, colleagues, manager and even friends – any interpersonal situation that demands awareness of both sides of a situation.
Although each situation is different and influenced by the skills, style and, of course, attitude of each party, the essence of negotiation is to find a mutually acceptable solution to an issue, having begun with different needs and goals. The big plus is to remove conflict – real or implied - from the interaction.
Negotiation should not be characterised by bad feeling or angry behaviour: it is about sharing ideas and moving forward towards a solution. An awareness of the negotiation process can help us to manage our interactions with confidence and increase the chances that the outcome will be positive for everyone involved.
Ask, listen and gain
In any negotiation, each party contributes, for better or worse; the same is true of its evil twin, conflict. If you blame the other person for the difficulty – however much you feel it is their fault or their responsibility for the current dilemma - you will create a situation fuelled by anger and resentment. There is no real chance for a mutually acceptable outcome.
In contrast, if you take responsibility for the problem, you will have a chance to foster a spirit of cooperation, not least because at some level your moderation will be appreciated even if it not overtly acknowledged.
If you find out what the other party’s expectations are, then you have a starting point. Ask them a few questions such as “what do you need from me on this?” or perhaps “what are your concerns about what I’m suggesting/asking here?”
Listen to the responses and ensure you have understood them with some “listening responses” – questions that feedback what you have heard: “What I hear you say is that you are worried that you will lose some of your autonomy if you accept the new arrangement. Is that right?” or “”If I have this right, you want to make the changes to ensure that there are enough staff available over the lunch break?”
In the same way, the other person needs to know what you want or need. It is important to state not only what it is, but also why you need it. Disagreements are often more mismatches of method on how to achieve something, rather than some fundamental difference about the overall goal. So, for example: “I would like to come in mid-morning on Tuesdays, giving me time to have a regular appointment with my chiropractor. I want to make sure I am healthy so I can contribute better to the team.”
Compromise and consensus
Like any good Scout, be prepared. Have some options you can suggest, starting with your preferred solution, then some alternatives that may involve a greater degree of compromise, but would still leave you satisfied with the outcome. If you can anticipate why the other person may resist your suggestions, you will have a much better chance of proposing an acceptable alternative.
When parties involved are trying to prove the other wrong, there can be no progress. If you disagree with something – and chances are you will – aim to state your disagreement in a quiet but assertive way. Your goal is the outcome, not to get into a power struggle or demean the other person. Remember, in a negotiation, arguing is a waste of time.
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